...talented. I wish people would quit telling me that I'm talented, or that I'm amazing with words, or that "wow, you're in a band who got a call back from FBR" or that ...IDEFK! It's not that I'm unappreciative, because, in all honesty, I think I'm one of the most appreciative mother fuckers around.

It's that I don't know what to say to you, whoever you are, when you tell me that I'm good at what I do. What is a person supposed to say to that? "Thanks, I appreciate it, but you have no idea what the fuck you're talking about" (I wouldn't say that, nor do I think that, but I just don't know what to say).
That's like telling my little brother "Good work on crying and breathing, you're amazing at it!"

I'm not talented, or amazing, or great at what I do. I'm simply, fucking Alix, or Alyx, or however I feel like spelling it. A person just isn't talented at something - they're not born with it.

I'm not talented, I just have a lot of experiences and practice and patience under my belt and stapled in my head. (not all of those experiences are good, sometimes they HAVE to be bad to better a person).

I have a flair for words because I was once so fucked up, I did NOTHING but stay trapped in my head. The word is catatonia, ladies and gentlemen and people in-between. Only when I was lucid did I write, and I only wrote so that someone knew OF me if I decided to kill myself. No one told me I was good at it until I entered my 12 year young self in an adolescent poetry slam challenge, and even then I didn't like hearing it. Who likes hearing they're good at something because they were on the top-ten charts of skull-fucked and doomed? That's a rhetorical question.

I'm only decent at guitar and making music because I spent hours of therapeutic, skin distorting, finger-bleeding, isolated times with myself. I'm just lucky that people out there don't think I'm killing a cat when I play.

I'm only in love with the Cello because never have I found an instrument that releases my thoughts and worries through sound. It took time, lots of time. I started when I was in the 3rd grade, and practice at least a half an hour every day.

I can only saw "Aww, thanks love" so many times before I feel like I'm repeating the same thing over and over, which makes me feel like a dick.

ALSO:
QUIT fucking telling me that you have are shitty with words, or that you suck at whatever it is you do and we are talking about - IT'S NOT FUCKING TRUE!
You don't suck and you're not shitty, you just haven't found a style that fits you and you haven't played with it enough. You won't be good, or EVEN decent at what you do until you make YOUR world fit YOUR life. If you're depressed, please, write it out, tell someone, pour your sorrow into an instrument. THE BEST WORK COMES FROM THE HARDEST TIMES, and that is my life's philosophy.

Whomever told you kids (no offense, I call everybody kid) that you suck obviously doesn't know what the fuck their talking about, have never lived in the REAL world, and need to leave their fucking box. Either that or learn to keep their shitty thoughts to themselves.

I don't tell you deviants these things (or share this long ass rant) to be mean, or to tell you to quit talking to me, or to be an asshole, or whatever. I'm trying to make you understand that I'm not some fucking guru with words, and that you aren't fucking horrible with art.

I didn't join this site for people to tell me I'm great.

I joined this site because no one should have to go through what I went through alone, and if my words can help someone/ANYONE feel that they're not alone, then I succeeded in my life's goal.


Also, don't let this intimidate you, or offend you, or..idk, whatever it might do to you negatively. I didn't intend for that.
Don't let ME intimidate you.
I'm a listening ear
a bleeding heart
the best person to keep a secret
and a person who cares.

Even if I don't know you, or we haven't talked that much, please, fucking, PLEASE, feel free to come to me about ANYTHING. I don't care if it's suicide, cutting yourself, snorting coke, fucking random people, having a sex change, liking the same gender, or if it's just you and your boyfriend/girlfriend breaking up - I'M HERE TO LISTEN AND TALK WITH YOU! Absolutely no judgment.

I'm not a fucking counselor, or therapist, I'm just a soon to be seven-teen year old who can relate to a lot of things. And, for some reason or another, I'm apparently decent with advice, so why not use it.

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Again, don't take this personally. This is more or less long ass, fucking rant.